We all experience moments of feeling stuck - whether it's in an unfulfilling job, a stagnant relationship, or a social life that lacks lustre. One of the most common questions my coaching clients ask is, "How do I get unstuck?" Many feel deeply frustrated because feeling stuck isn't just about standing still; it often feels like paralyzing inertia. Feeling stuck is especially disheartening because you know, deep down, that you're capable and deserving of more - if only you could break free from the invisible shackles that are holding you back.
This state often provokes a whirlwind of distress, ranging from frustration to outright panic, as we wrestle with the feeling of being trapped in a loop we cannot seem to escape.
The first step to getting unstuck is understanding what our mental blockers are – here are five common ones…
- Lack of Intrinsic Motivation: We all need a sense of purpose and internal drive. While external factors like financial rewards or fear of consequences can motivate us in the short term, they often fall short over time. If you're staying in a job or relationship solely for financial security or to avoid emotional discomfort, it can eventually lead to feelings of being trapped, unfulfilled and stuck. The question to ask yourself is ‘what will it take to make me genuinely want to stay in this job, or in this relationship?’
- Deflated confidence: Everyone has confidence wobbles at some point. Low confidence can stem from various factors, such as childhood experiences, negative feedback, social comparisons, or toxic environments. These influences shape how we perceive ourselves, often leading us to view setbacks as personal failures. This mindset can create a cycle of self-doubt that holds us back from moving forward and reaching our potential. Coaching is a great way to help you understand where your low confidence stems and how to build it back up.
- Learned Helplessness: refers to the belief that we have no control over a situation, often stemming from repeated failure or feelings of disempowerment. When people experience this, they may stop trying altogether, leading to a sense of stagnation. For instance, a salesperson who has faced too many rejections might begin to feel helpless and quit trying. Similarly, if you have a boss who constantly micromanages, you might start doubting your abilities, feeling out of control, and ultimately helpless. However, inaction is never the solution – doing nothing keeps us stuck and guarantees that things won’t improve.
- Ambiguous goals or lack of direction: Picture the scene - you're about to start an ambitious project with your team. You have a bold, visionary goal and a long list of tasks needed to achieve it. But the responsibilities, deadlines, and methods for completion aren’t clear. Cue procrastination! As a small business owner, the scale of tasks can often feel impossible to tackle. The solution? Break the big tasks down into smaller, more manageable pieces. We all know this approach, but sometimes, we just need a reminder. When things feel overwhelming, deconstruct the goal and take it one step at a time.
- Burnout: Burnout (emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress) can lead to us feeling stuck because prolonged stress disrupts brain function, impairs our decision-making, emotional regulation, and motivation, which leaves us feeling overwhelmed and unable to move forward. It’s important to recognise the signs of burnout in you and others and seek support when needed.
How to liberate yourself from lethargy...
As with most things in psychology, there are no quick fixes for getting unstuck, but there are a few things that can help you get started.
- Understand what’s holding you back: The first step to solving any problem is to understand its root cause, so give yourself time to reflect on your blockers – journaling or speaking to a coach can really help you understand what underlies your inertia.
- Set small, achievable goals to build momentum and confidence. And in the wise words of Nike. ‘Just do it!’ Every small step forward counts.
- Reframe negative thoughts: Be kinder to yourself! If you wouldn't speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself, it's time to shift your internal dialogue. Treat yourself with the compassion you’d offer someone you’re trying to help.
- Change the scene: are your current surroundings inspiring action? Spending too much time in the same space with the same people can drain motivation. A fresh change of scene might be the spark you need.
- Surround yourself with people: connection will uplift and inspire you. Did you know that the single greatest boost to your well-being is doing something for someone else? Go out into the world, help someone with something, have some random conversations and feel the shackles that have been holding you back loosening.
Dr Amy Redmond PhD is a business psychologist, coach and creator of The Aha Journal.
If you’re interested in coaching, I’d love to hear from you! Drop me a message at amy@aha-moments.co.uk to arrange a free discovery call.